Over My Head

I never knew
that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run
when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and it's effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

You be Tails, He'll be Sonic, I'll be Knuckles

I am my brother's keeper.

Being the middle child has some awesome perks, it makes me a "little" brother and a big brother simultaneously. Even though I'm twice both of my brother's size, I do look up to Jesse and I try to set the example for Alex as best I can. My simple statement about my two brothers is only I'm permitted to fuck with them when they are wrong or being stupid, no one else. Anyone else tries to fill those shoes that are outside of my family is going to get the piss slapped out of them. As a trio, we definitely compliment each other quite well. Jesse would have to be most intelligent and witty of the three of us, Alex is the critical thinker and is a sponge when it comes to learning things, and I seem to be filling the role of the more physical and out-going brother. But fortunately all three of us possess the intelligence and common sense to make things work for us.

I'm especially proud of Jesse, especially after finding out we would have yet another awesome addition to our family, my future sister Nicole. I met Nicole at a bar one night in Patchogue when Jesse brought her down, and immediately knew that she was special not only to Jesse, but possessed her own hidden strength that I can sense every time I am around her. She's an amazingly beautiful, kind and warm-hearted woman that deserves the best from Jesse and from the rest of my family. Although I haven't spent nearly as much time with her and Jesse as I should have in the last couple years, every time we have spent together me and Nicole have always gotten along like we have been siblings for years. She indefinitely is the cheese to Jesse's macaroni.

Growing up with Jesse as my older brother involved a tremendous amount of friction at some points, but at the end of the day, if you can't figure out how similar me and Jesse are personality wise, you are Helen Keller. We had our differences in the past sometimes, but even before Alex was born me and Jesse were inseparable, we both had the same interests when it came to games, sports and friends. Especially once BatMUD came around, me and Jesse both started playing about the same time and even to this day we still play it occasionally. I am thankful for that game, as lame and addicting as it is, it's my number one source of communicating and virtually hanging out with my brother. Yes, Me and Jesse are nerds motherfuckers. We both still play Pokemon on our computers, and we're addicted to good RPG video games. Go ahead and Judge me, and I'll kill you. The most recent of our endeavors together is when Jesse and Nicole came down to Atlantic City and I met up with them there to hang out with them there the weekend before I left for Afghanistan. Even though we were just playing poker and hanging out, it's another memory that I am glad to have spent with my brother. (-300$ USD = Bad beats).

Now for the little guy, who evidently is growing some peach fuzz on his upper lip. I became an older brother at ten years old, something that I had always wanted to be. Once Alex came into the family, I spent most of the years when he was an infant to a toddler with my little brother. I can't tell you how many times I put that kid to sleep in order to use my mom's computer for like 30 minutes. Alex is a combination of both me and Jesse, he is both mentally and physically intelligent. I harp on him for being lazy, especially when my parents ask him to do something, and I definitely harp on him doing well in school, avoiding making the same lazy mistakes that me and Jesse had made in high school. I remember one specific thing that my mother told me that made me realize that Alex is going to be just fine, One day she calls me and tells me that Alex got in trouble on the bus. I soon came to find out that he punched some kid for pushing a girl on the bus, good job kiddo. Setting the example for Alex over the years is sometimes a bit difficult because of my age and what I'm involved in, but I hope that some of the drive and determination that I have Alex can emulate in some of the aspects of his life. He's a good kid, and I'm glad he has a solid relationship with both my mother and my father, and has gotten to spend a lot of time with them since I've been gone.

"I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three. "

Long live the Lionhearted.

S/F
Rob

And Saints We Shall Be

"And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

For those of you have known me for quite some time you would known me for quite some time, you would know that I was pretty overweight for most of my life. In the last several years I've spent most of my time trying to make myself better physically, even though I let myself slip for awhile there. I've decided to start documenting my progress somewhat so I know if it is working for me or not. I love being in the gym and working out because it grants me the ability to be strong enough to accomplish everything that I want to. So here is an updated picture of about 2 months of trying to work out with what I have here (which isn't easy). I think this time around I'm going to go for the "300" appeal, which is a hell of a workout, but I love being as intense as possible. I blame the testosterone boosters I'm taking for talking shit to myself in the gym. "Come on cupcake, it's only XXX lbs, don't be a bitch," most people around me look at me like I'm insane, but I enjoy motivating myself.

Semper Fidelis,
Rob

!

Just some pictures I guess.


Yes, they are rather random























And yes, that is an Afghani child's shirt.

Christmas

Another day in the suck, and so I've decided to stop shaving for the remainder of my time here. It's been about a week and everytime I wake up and look in the mirror I realize how much I continue to grow looking more and more like my father. Oh well, another day gone by. Just gotta keep saving all I can and continue to stay the course I've set before me.

Gonna miss Christmas a bit this year, not only because my Grandmother and Jason are no longer with us, but also because I'm unable to fill that void by making myself present for my family. I guess there is a price for everything in life, and I suppose if you want to make your life work, you gotta compromise and make sacrifices. But these things are made by my own decisions and I will always stand by my choices whether they are right or wrong. It's better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. I guess the primary reason I had to leave again, is that I have a hard time living in civilian shoes, even two years after I have left the military. You spend enough time in that kind of environment and it becomes truly apparent as to why the military operates in the way it does. Even now being a civilian overseas I find it hard to stop myself from putting my chevrons back on and getting the job done. It's just how the Marine Corps made me.

Another reason I had to leave was because I did not forsee any major opportunities back in New York, at least nothing worthwhile. I know for a fact my friends and family will always be there, and I know that I'll do my best to make it back to them and start having good times again. The world doesn't stop for me or anyone else, so if you want to get shit done you just gotta kick the ball and keeping rolling.

And here is me again a couple weeks ago, in my bachelor pad amongst the Afghanistan real estate.

Although I get homesick occasionally, I've become fully accustomed after spending so many years away from home to continue to be fine with it. If you find yourself just lingering and thinking about home and what everyone else is doing, you lose sight of everything that your supposed to be doing so I do my best to avoid that.

Well, I'll sign out here, wish you all a solid holiday season, especially to my family back home.

Merry Christmas Alex, ya spoiled brat.

"Rest in Peace D-Money, I'll see ya when I get there."

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa

Giants won, Rangers lost, Mets will always suck. Oh well.

Another day gone by, holiday season coming up, so obviously Rob is slightly depressed because it's yet another winter season that I've managed to be away from home for, and we all know that I fucking love the snow and the cold air. Definitely will miss the nights looking out of the main window in the living room of my parents house and seeing the slowly falling flurries coming down slowly from the sky being lit up by the streetlights. Its nights like that where the world's volume seems to turn itself down and you can't hear nothing but the harmony of peace and quiet. Except for the fact that I have tinnitus, seeing and hearing that tends to bring me to peace even after everything I have experienced in the last several years of my life. I think I love the winter the most because everyone tends to stay inside and enjoy each others company as opposed to going out and meeting new people, and partying like a retard during the summer time. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the warm weather and the opportunity to ride my motorcycle and exercise outside, but the winter just does something to me. I just wish I could be home for Christmas and sit on my happy ass in sweatpants and a t-shirt and drink baileys all day with my family and the ole' ball and chain. Its definitely the winter time that makes me want to stay closer north in the Tri-state area, because I love to ski, and I prefer the east coast over anything. I hope to be able to get some solid skiing in whenever I stop leaving the states, because skiing always makes me think of Jason. The last time me and him spend a solid day together of just hanging out was when I came home in February of 2006 and myself, My pops, Jason and Alex all went up to Jersey and spent the entire day skiing. Jason stayed with Alex and worked with him pretty much the entire time, and me and my Father tore up the harder trails. Another reason I am thankful to have known Jason my entire life, he was always willing to help other people regardless.


aaaaaaand back to business.

-=Rob=-

Grain of Salt

You gotta learn to take everything with a grain of salt, I laugh when I hear people complaining about how terrible their day is, but in reality, nothing is unfix-able.

If you spend all your time worrying about how bad things are, you'll be blinding yourself from the light at the end of the tunnel, and in retrospect, completely forget everything that you are working for in the first place.


Well that's all for now, back to work.

Semper Fidelis,
Rob

In Memoriam

Wanted to post another blog about something that has truly been in my mind quite often lately, and that is in memory of my cousin Jason.

Jason was my Uncle Jack's only son, and a very prominent member of not only my life, but especially the lives of my entire family. Jason treated all of his cousins as if they were his own siblings, and truly blessed my life, even though in the few years prior to his death I was mostly away. He was always the first one to be waiting at my house to see me every single time I came home, but unfortunately he could not be there to see me home for good.

While Jason was still alive and I was home on emergency leave, I saw my family crumbling to ruins before my eyes, which I suppose was to be expected because his accident was so sudden and unpredictable. That's truly when I came to my attention that my family had not spent enough quality time with each other, and I think we are all to blame for that. Cause in reality, work and money and all things pertaining to that aren't something you need to care the most for, but it's family that is most important. At the end of the day, end of the month, end of the year, whenever, family will always be there to back you up nevertheless. Through the experience of having my cousin pass away, I have learned that I need to dedicate as much of my free time as possible to my family, and that's what I've been trying to do to the best of my ability. Since I've left the Marine Corps I have spent a sparse amount of time with my friends, and instead have shared better times and laughs with my father, and my uncle Jack. I've always tried to spend more time with my brothers, even if that means I gotta either play Magic the Gathering, or Halo 3. It's the small sacrifices in life right? As far as my mother goes, I have probably neglected her the most, and I am quite ashamed for that because she has been the one that has helped me the most, especially while I was in the Marine Corps. I plan on changing that drastically when I come home, cause Momma always knows best, and mine specifically has always been good to me as a mother should (although she tries her best to overprotect me all the time). I guess in her eyes I'll always be here baby, cause I was the youngest for 10 years until Alex came around.

With the Holiday season around the corner, I just hope and pray that my family can persevere through another one without having Jason around, cause he is always on our minds, and even more so when we are all together as a family for Christmas. The last thing I said to Jason, as I know he heard it even in his state, was just a simple thank you. A thank you for taking care of my little brother in my absence, and always quick to be a helping hand to my mother and father as well. He was a true family man, and I couldn't possibly thank him enough for taking care of my family while I was serving my country.

God bless you Jay, and I'll see you when I get there.

-=Rob=-

Reconciliation

As I find myself back in the Middle east, it has definitely brought to surface old memories of being in Iraq back in 2006 and how much has truly changed, to include the improvements that the American military has done for yet another foreign country. In the beginning I completely agreed with starting this war with both Iraq and Afghanistan, even understanding that it could and did cost many American lives. Brothers, Fathers, Friends, Nephews, Cousins...many have paid the ultimate sacrifice so that the rest of us can live without fear. And although I am a veteran myself of two deployments in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom, I feel forever indebted to not only the friends I lost in this war, but to all who gave their lives, because simply put I know what they were fighting for.

I truly hope that all my friends and family back home know why I will always feel obligated and dedicated to not only the military, but to the absolute defense of our way of life. Being here now in Afghanistan has only reinforced that feeling, seeing no familiar faces, but I have gotten back the feeling of comradarie amongst complete strangers. It doesn't quite match the bonds that I made with the Marines that I served with in India Company and our brother companies, but its quite enough for me for the time being.

To reference back to what I said earlier, this has surfaced a lot of memories of my first deployment to Haditha, Iraq from March to October 2006. Sometimes I look back at it and I find it hard to remember how we all managed to carry 100+ lbs of gear, in 140+ degree weather on a daily basis with little to no sleep, and little to no food. We constantly were on the edge, just trying to keep eachother alive on a daily basis, and to make sure we would all potentially come back home to our families respectively. I miss all those kids dearly, they had truly become just an extension of my family. We hit those streets everyday, sometimes out on patrol 20+ hours a day in the heat, day or night, it didn't matter. We fought the insurgents on those streets, gave candy and trinkets to the children, got blown to shit by IED's, and still did our jobs. Anyone that was there with me will forever be bound by the memory of the experience in that god awful place.

For the record, I can't wait til that spineless hypocritical bastard is out of office. If you don't know what I'm talking about your about as ignorant as the rest of my pathetic generation.

Anyways, just a first blog, maybe I'll keep writing just so I remember shit, cause in my ripe age of 23 I'm starting to forget a lot of things.

Semper Fidelis,
Rob